ray libby.

the world is full circle.
it all comes together, right now.
some pieces paint a perfect pictures [alliteration]
others are much more grim [poe]

what happens when you push away those you love?
what happens when you realize who you really love, and pull them closer?
what happens when those two aren't even the same people?
i have some friends in high up places looking down with the strangest faces.

ravens weird with me lately. its only a matter of time before gabby and danielle are her best friends again.
wait a minute... they already are.
im not even left in the cold of minnesota to be by my fucking self, i have to sit around in this half-rain, half-life of southern california, dying hillsides, quenching thirst, wandered souls, with an ocean view.
worse of all?
i'm happy again.

alone alone, all all alone, alone on a wide wide sea [epizeuxis]

why do we like to hurt?
haha. we don't.
masochists, ftl.
between pain and nothing, i'd chosen nothing [meyer]
but here i am again, sensitized, and ready for a new wave...
of?
i don't even know.
give me round two.
of feeling
of friends
of gambles
of late nights
of early mornings
of fights
of words
of misery
of music
of l i f e .

words on paper, type on screen, blinking cursor.
so the opposite of my life.
too many words to describe too few feelings.

feelings:
i miss brad.
i miss picnic.

friends:
i miss mallory.
i miss raven.

gambles:
take a step out the front door janaye. you havent done that for a while. living is the biggest risk we take. live as if you'll die tomorrow, dream as if you'll live forever. why don't i tell myself that? open your e y e s, life is flying past you. grab it. go for it.

late night:
toasted skin. hunter was my best friend. but now he only sees the surface. is there anyone who delves furthur? i need to go back to the beach; grab the keys, grab the blankets.
find me oedipus. those guys are my love. two am outside di piazzas? find me jeremy, find me keith, but mostly, find me steve, who connects with me on a different level than fan-friend; under the surface of my skin.

early morning:
wake up face the day.
i miss liking school.
i miss loving life.
breath of fresh air. b r e a t h e .

fights:
pelearse. family giving me trouble again. somehow my brothers wreckless attitude and need for a military school are the first-born's fault. sorry i was the parents guinea pig; no one really knows how to parent, your first child is a lab mouse; keep them alive for a year, test the results. i need help. but who cares when the heavily-medicated second is first priority.
not wanting to be home.

words:
your letters.

misery:
bonfire.
i have a lot of things to burn.
pictures, clothes, jewelry, conversations,
memories fade. the human mind is a seive. materials just make it last that much longer. smoke on water, smoke in the air, take my ashes and scatter them far from here.

music:
amprage aceshigh backline walterprise oedipus younglove pinkspiders cobrastarship falloutboy pm5k biggerlights recover
if theres anything i love...
i love music.
sanity delivered through speakers, shots and drips of morphine enter the bloodstream through soundwaves and headphones.

life:
tremors tremors tombstones.
for once, i can feel the blood running through my veins,
my breathing is heavy, it's hot inside....

~jonathan livingston seagull.
no relation.

Paet Pegard.

for once, i can feel the blood running through my veins
my breathing is heavy, and it's hot inside.
about ten seconds from the tremors that turn me into a werewolf.
or the hulk.
but i think i'd rather be a dog than a green beast.
it'd make life with the quileutes more interesting, yes?

twitch, twitch.

~mangy mut.

I've Decided...

...I would LOVE to produce / sign / manage bands.
Own a recording studio / record label.
There are SO many bands out there that deserve the chance to have their music heard, and it just doesn't happen for so many of them, the deserving talented ones.
I want to spend my life in music, whether its supporting, promoting, recording, signing, managing bands/artists, or taking pictures of them. I really need a camera because the second is that much more likely.
I wanna be like Jack The Camera Guy and tour with bands that I love. Probably with Amprage... if another person with a dream like mine will give them the chance and sign them and sell out their shows. I hope so. My chances ride with them, and they deserve it so much.


Haircut tomorrow.
~Esque.

love me or leave me or rip me apart

two out of three ain't bad.

Laying On The Rooftop

listening to "safe and sound in phonelines".
in the middle of the night
when its dark and cold
wrapped in a jacket and comforter
stereo loud enough for one
you want it to be loud enough for two
and you want someone to share the blanket
and whisper back those words to you
i will be be enough for you.
i cried /:

ill miss you if youre gone

You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds.