Interesting.

I'm really at an interesting place in my life. And just in an interesting mood in general. Today was one of those very strange, frusterating, revelating days. We had a big ol discussion on The Strangers and existentialism in class. I always love learning new points of view. Existentialism appeals to me in a very, odd way. The skinny on existentialism is that the most important things we have in life is choice, and our free will. Our ability to choose makes the existence of god meaningless; whether or not He is out there, it doesnt matter, because man chooses his fate. It also focuses on the idea that there is no universal truth, or universal conception of morals, right and wrong, etc; we are the only ones with the ability to judge the correctness of the situation because it's our consequence. Hmm. It was all just very interesting. Maybe not appealing; i found it to be really void of emotion, and I'm a passionate person, so that doesn't work for me. But it was fun to argue the point of view.

I've always prided myself on being an open person, but I've found myself even more so lately. Not really blunt; I do dance around things, and have problems being clear with my words. But I think this new found (or newly asserted) confidence in my feelings has to do with Travis. Which may seem weird, because I don't talk about that situation at all. The folks I have talked to, you know the vague details, but the whole story still escapes you. I don't think anybody really can understand that. It's really beyond words. Which is interesting that it helps me speak my mind. Maybe love is a confidence booster. But I've deffinitely felt much more assured lately. I for once have some black and whites in my life.

Life is up, but right now i'm pretty much flatlining. Existentialism does that to me, I guess. It just put me in an apathetic, monotonous space today. Not to mention I've felt enough anger and frusteration these past couple of days, and stress in the past week, that I'm not sure I could feel much right now anyways. Everything is a little bit grey compared to passion.

Passion. Rochen described me as a passionate person. I'm pretty much sure I can't feel anything less than 100%. My mom calls me intense. I think passionate is a little bit nicer of a connotation, yes? I'm pretty sure I can't be stressed unless i'm completely stressed, happy unless it's the best thing I've ever felt, sad unless it's absolute depression. Most people can't live with that kind of a rollercoaster. But you know what? Between pain and nothing, I'll always choose pain. I was born to feel.

Today is my brother's birthday. Sixteen! Jeez. Making me feel old, Bug. But we had cake and a lovely time tonight. I bought him aviators, and I'm taking him to see Oedipus next month [:

Every once in a while, strangers smile back.
-Jelizabeth