Bringing 2009 to a close.

So it's the end of another year, and a good one at that.
I haven't really thought out a list of resolutions, so I think I will make them up as I go along.

#1 Be more productive/efficient.
#2 Continue to be silly.

What I've accomplished

From my new years resolutions list. Let's see what I have completed (in bold)


-get healthy.
-read Catcher In The Rye and 1984 and Brave New World.
-smile more at strangers.
-get over my crippling shyness.
-take a hike just for the nature
-take a photograph that truely means something to me.
-take a photograph that has the ability to move someone to tears.
-go outside more.
-be less conservative.
-run another relay/captain another team.
-pull a really awesome senior prank.
-do more selfless acts.
-crowd surf. (what, janaye's never crowd surfed?!)
-get behind the barricade at a show and take photographs.
-completely get rid of my enemies. (everyone but Mallory)
-visit someplace haunted.
-floss more
-challenge my mom more, instead of being afraid to ask her things.
-handle life as a mature adult.
-contradictory but... keep hold of my childlike nature.
-embrace my whiteness.
-finish my intro to dianetics course. (started it, at least!)
-purification rundown.
-watch more NatGeo, Discovery, and History channel.
-learn more than the alphabet in ASL.
-be less of a flake.
-get clear skin.
-confidence.
-take a totally random college course as part of my GE.
-be less posessive of bands.
-sell something on ebay/amazon.
-read more frequently
-memorize the Big Bang Theory theme song!
-stop caring what people see you do. dance if you want to dance. sing of you feel like singing. blow your nose. that'a girl.
-hold my friends closer.
-ride my bike through the park more.
-be able to make it up my street
-now... do this on a high speed setting.
-cut those people from my life who truely mean nothing and cause more harm than good.
-embrace peoploe a little better.
-blogspot more often.
-visit venice beach, in the night or the day.
-love my body. actually be comfortable in my own skin.
-grow out my hair and wear it curly/naturally.
-learn to lie.
-learn. learn, learn, learn, learn, learn. i love knowledge.
-give things away.
-write in my journal more.
-drink more tea.
-get some wicked fang caps.
-cook more.
-expel my own negativity. i often feel down, and i don't want to be like that any more.
-complete a to-do list.

frazzled and dazzled.

Life is like a rollercoaster. You get so nervous to get on that we forget, it's just a ride. It's exhilarating. It's exciting. It's risky and fun. But sometimes we get too scared to get on the rollercoaster and forget that it's not about what could happen, whatever fears are causing us apprehension, but it's about the ride. And sometimes, you get off the rollercoaster, and you feel a little dizzy. You feel a little sick. But you're better for having done it, and riding it with the people who you care most about. After all. It's the experience. You have to be able to say you weren't too afraid to climb on.


Life is a little bit frazzled and scattered right now.
I've decided to transfer out of SDSU. I tried to forget who I am and pursue something I'm not. For once, I'm throwing aside my caution and erring on the side of dreams and passion. I am pursuing photography and photojournalism, and that's that. It's risky. It's fun. But I can't live forever trapped in this shell of mine, concerned with pleasing others and taking a path of convention. I'm going to do what I want to do, for once, and for once, that is okay with me.

'Tiz the season of make-it-or-break-it with relationships, and mine is no exception.
I've walled myself in so that later down the road, a possible outcome won't hurt as much. But you know what? I want to jump in with both feet. Progress can't be made with only one foot outside the door. And even if emotions are scary, and even if risk is not my middle name, experience is the only thing I am guaranteed in life, and I need to take the reins on this one, because he is something I want. Epiphanies are random, but good god are they revealing. I can't even tell you how I came to that conclusion, but I did, and I want to chase this feeling. "We have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible. It's gonna be fine." I don't know what's in the future. I have guesses. I know a few of the possibilities. But I am not omniscient. And I can't pretend like I am and prepare for a future that could exist. Reserves are going to keep me from moving forward, and even from enjoying the here and now.

I want to ride this rollercoaster.
Will you all join me?

XX.