frazzled and dazzled.

Life is like a rollercoaster. You get so nervous to get on that we forget, it's just a ride. It's exhilarating. It's exciting. It's risky and fun. But sometimes we get too scared to get on the rollercoaster and forget that it's not about what could happen, whatever fears are causing us apprehension, but it's about the ride. And sometimes, you get off the rollercoaster, and you feel a little dizzy. You feel a little sick. But you're better for having done it, and riding it with the people who you care most about. After all. It's the experience. You have to be able to say you weren't too afraid to climb on.


Life is a little bit frazzled and scattered right now.
I've decided to transfer out of SDSU. I tried to forget who I am and pursue something I'm not. For once, I'm throwing aside my caution and erring on the side of dreams and passion. I am pursuing photography and photojournalism, and that's that. It's risky. It's fun. But I can't live forever trapped in this shell of mine, concerned with pleasing others and taking a path of convention. I'm going to do what I want to do, for once, and for once, that is okay with me.

'Tiz the season of make-it-or-break-it with relationships, and mine is no exception.
I've walled myself in so that later down the road, a possible outcome won't hurt as much. But you know what? I want to jump in with both feet. Progress can't be made with only one foot outside the door. And even if emotions are scary, and even if risk is not my middle name, experience is the only thing I am guaranteed in life, and I need to take the reins on this one, because he is something I want. Epiphanies are random, but good god are they revealing. I can't even tell you how I came to that conclusion, but I did, and I want to chase this feeling. "We have no way of knowing what lays ahead for us in the future. All we can do is use the information at hand to make the best decision possible. It's gonna be fine." I don't know what's in the future. I have guesses. I know a few of the possibilities. But I am not omniscient. And I can't pretend like I am and prepare for a future that could exist. Reserves are going to keep me from moving forward, and even from enjoying the here and now.

I want to ride this rollercoaster.
Will you all join me?

XX.