Ideal time for an update.

I've always held that lying makes me more mad and more upset than anything else. Dishonesty is something I've had to deal with in a major way in my most major relationships, and every time it breaks my heart into tiny fragments to know that someone I've put so much faith and trust into has poured false reassurances and lies into me.
I've got a nose as sensitive as my feelings, so I can pick up on my least favorite smells from a mile away. I could tell if Travis had been eating red meat and he could never escape a steak without a thorough teeth brushing. I could smell cigarette smoke the second I hugged him and he'd never be able to cuddle with me without a change of clothes or a spray of cologne.
I found out yesterday that this smoke I'd always smelled on him was not from him spending time with his step dad (who does smoke cigarettes) but from Travis having a smoking habit. All the bad things I have to say about the habit itself aside, I am incredibly pissed and hurt that Travis would lie to me about that. Not even avoid the truth, but lie to my face about where the smell had come from.
I discovered this because I pick up details at the snap of a finger. Paige happened to be telling a story that started with "Heather, Travis, and I were hanging out up at Wendy and Potrero. Travis was smoking a cigarette...." Not a huge deal, but I knew that either meant in 2008, when Travis was a prolific pot smoker and I knew a cigarette smoker, or recently, as Heather moved to Chicago in Dec. 2009. Paige later relayed "So I asked Travis to turn his headlights on." Travis ahs only been able to drive for a few months. So. This had been recently. And there was no way he hadn't been lying to me while we were dating.
I called him and he confirmed with a "Well, yeah, basically." when I asked if he had lied to me about that. His reasoning was that he worried I would dump him on the spot. He said "I care about how you feel, but this isn't really phasing me. There's nothing I can do about it now."
So here's where I stand now: infuriated at Travis, and infuriated at myself. Infuriated with Travis for abusing my trust. I don't know that he has scarred me forever- I have had past experiences that already maimed my ability to trust- but this is certainly something I will never, ever forget. I am infuriated at myself for ignoring my gut, denying my instincts, and putting faith in something that hurt me. I already had trouble trusting the guy. He knew this. And I knew this. And I took the chance, and it didn't work out so well for me. I wish I had trusted that bad feeling inside of me instead of him, because finding out you've been lied to hurts so much more than the truth.
Travis- you know how much I value honesty. You also know how much I hate those kinds of habits, so I can understand your predicament. But this just opens the door for more bad things. I hope you understand how painful this is for me, knowing all my doubts and insecurities are coming to light as real. These are things I don't like, and also things I can't change. I know you'll just tell me to deal with it, but you certainly make it no easier to handle. I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I can only hope that fact affects you in some way. Maybe you won't do that to someone else again. I can only hope you don't do that to me, and you should hope you haven't lied about more. Because it always comes back to me. If you haven't realized that yet, I hope there are no other reasons that need me to prove that fact to you again.