Various things have been drifting in an out of my life lately. Certain friends bouncing around my life, certain people changing their roles; it's all left me feeling a little bit lost in a new sea of confusion. I miss my best friends at home, and living in a divided suite certainly doesn't help ease any of that homesickness. We're clearly divided into "us" and "them", and it's heartbreaking; we were FRIENDS, not just ROOMMATES, but it seems certain individuals would rather blatantly ignore me and others than spend any time acknowledging our presence.
I look forward to next year when I get to live with my best friend Hunter. I think the hardest part of not being at home is knowing he isn't right around the corner to whisk me away when things are wrong. I know I can lean on myself, but sometimes things get too unstable when I turn too far inwards. He always pulls me out of my shell.
Because of all these rifts and changes, I've definitely started receding into my shell. More time in my room watching TV, less time hanging out with roommates. More time associating with roommates than actually seeing my friends who live down the hall, or even outside of my building.
I need to shock-start my heart, because it's a little on the weak side lately.
(Oh Pete Wentz, I've avoided your blog, yet your tweets still get to me!)
I don't know how to let go of problems that are bigger anchors than I can deal with. I think I need some outside perspective to really motivate me.
Le Sigh. But I am Le Tired.
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