Open / Honest .

I'm in a mood right now.
I messed things up with Drew. He is a great guy, and we were getting to know each other. Maybe even like each other a teensy bit. But I shared my deep dark secret and now I haven't talked to him for a week.
Wow, holy shit, it's been a whole week. That just kind of hit me heavy. It's been a whole week and the only progress I've made in that time is that I haven't terrified my roommates by wailing and crying all night. I'm still empty, I still can't connect with people, and I still want to sit in my room and sleep all day and all night. I still don't want to see people and I still don't know how to handle anything at all.
The only people I really want to talk to are Drew and Chris. Drew... he won't respond to texts/keeps too busy of a schedule to hang out. And Chris has a life very far outside of me. I want him to be involved with my life like he used to be, but I guess even pre-ending things, he hasn't been too involved for a while now. Which is extremely sad, because in all of this confusion, all I want is to be with him. Not even in the girlfriend way. Just to see him. Get a hug. And be able to talk to someone who really KNOWS me, and not have to even hide behind a facade when I talk to people here, because people here will gossip if you give them even a little bit.
I spend most of my day lurking facebook and twitter because I can't actually interact with anybody without A) pretending or B) feeling comfortable or even C) feeling happy.
I want to go on a walk right now. Even though its raining. But I just want to walk to someone I know because it's so lonely in this room and so empty inside of me.

Do you know what's also really rough? I can't even say these things to someone here, and over the phone just isn't an equivalent. And people don't read this. And there's only one person who reads this who knows what's going on. And that's not going to help anything.

Sometimes I want to say I'm a mess, but it's all internal.
And, all I've wanted to do for the past week is vomit. (TMI)
Also, Sex And The City is totally making me cry.

Dot Dot Dot.