sleepsleepsleep.

It's almost annoying that at the very second I lay myself down for sleep, my mind is the most awake. I'm honestly my most mentally aware and my my physically weak when I settle for slumber. While this allows for awesome opportunities to think creative, I almost never have the strength or will to write them down, or better yet, get up and blog it.
So here is the interpretation of my most recent pondering, while jazzed on a full can of monster:




Religion.
I almost always question it.
Has God made Man, or has Man made God?
Humans rationalize everything. There is always a means to the end, a justification to create a purpose. And we are all so into ourselves. We all want to think we're something amazing and special, that we all have a purpose, that we all are more than our bodies and that our minds, our spirits, will go to heaven based on our greatness and our amazingness and specialness.
I think Man made God.
God was the explanation for thunder, for floods, for rain, for the plague. God was at a time when science was using leeches to suck out the bad blood, sandbags and weights to compress lungs in tuberculosis. A time of hunting witches and sacrificing animals.

God came about as a way to control the chaos.

Christianity developed out of paganism, and everything else developed out of Christianity. Christianity martyrs itself as the savior, the saint, the monotheistic belief system that surpressed the savageness of indiginents, of natives, of witches and pagans; martyred itself as the light of the world in rural countries, in lesser nations, in unholy peoples. It was the first (or one of) paternal system, throwing out the maternal belief of Mother Earth, sanctity of women, beauty of birth and giving of life. It marred and blackened the heathens as devil worshippers who lived in a chaotic, nomadic fashion and needed structure, order; it needed the church.

Many people still carry faith in a belief that fueled the Spanish crusades, the French catholic and protestant wars, the catholic and protestant thirty years war, the Holocaust (yes, catholics and protestants), the witch hunts, the Bosnian genocide, brutal colonialism, etc. etc. It is a faith based in hate and hocus-pocus. I don't mean to offend christians, catholics, and any other denomination of the two by saying this, but really. While some of the words of your holy book may be about morals, a lot of it is about hate, and a lot of those aspects of hate, you choose to ignore. Others, you fully embrace (Prop 8, anyone?). Hypocrasy at it's finest. You also put your faith into a church that has caused more wars, more genocides, more evil deeds than anything else I can think of. It was built to create 'control' in a 'chaotic' time, and supress indigious races and practitioners of wiccan, paganism, and other earthly, maternal religions. And it was accepted all as literal truth. Maybe if there is a God, his Son can really walk on water. But a talking bush of fire? Parting the ocean? Not only is the text about these magical things, but goddamnit, it was used to explain EVERYTHING. The rain. The thunder. The floods. The plague. Science has rendered most of this useless. Yet, it is still one of the most highly practiced religions in the world today.

Why?
Completely useless and outdated, in my opinion.

But religion in society serves its purpose now not as a science to explain that the universe is geocentric when in actuality it is heliocentric, but as a tool of comfort.
We all want to believe there is something out there for us. That death is not the end of life. That our purpose is for something higher, and that our deeds will ammount to more than the 70 something years our body has on this planet. That our uniqueness, our individuality, is that of ourselves, not of something tha tis probably identical to 923874 of the billions of people walking this planet.

God is about as useful as the easter bunny; kind of nice to believe in when you're a kid, but all in all, what's the use when you grow up?

God is your imaginary friend, guys!
And if he is real, he is the most patronizing, condescending, racist, hypocritical, hateful, spiteful thing to have ever existed.
He did make the devil, after all.


But.


I do believe I'm special.
Oh Janaye! You patronizing, condescending, hypocritical bitch!
Man made God.
But what made Man?
The big bang theory seems a little hoaxy. I'm completely sketch on how time began. Although I more accept matter bursting out of nothing ness than I do accept Adam and Eve... what the fuck? Really? That's scientists way of saying "SURPRISE! We don't have answers either!"

So I've stopped searching for answers.
And I'd rather focus on what I know.
And not try and figure out what I don't know; how the universe began, how the universe is going to end, how monkeys ended up as humans, how my brother is still a monkey, what's at the end of a black hole, where other life could exist. These are all things neither you nor I will find out.

But what I've landed on in my few years of religious research, search, and furvor:

1) Religion attempts to explain everything. Religion tries to fill in the holes of Science, or in some cases, provide it's own Science all together. Nothing can explain everything.

2) Religion is the crutch for death. It is the way we all accept death. I choose not to think of death, others choose to live their life assuming death will be their first step towards heaven. Most don't want to accept the circle of life and instead want to believe their life ammounts to more than seventy years, and the cycle will continue on and on and on through heaven, hell, and high water.

3) Scientology is the most rational hypothesis I've ever heard. WHAT THE FUCK! That's your reaction right there. You probably believe all my above ramblings are insane because of this one simple thing. But do you know what it's about, at all? It's not South Park, guys. I've been reading about this for solid months now. And the reason this brings me peace is because it's not aimed at explaining it all. It's aim is to let you form your own conclusion. The answers are in life, not in death. It accepts the premise that we are special, and that we have a soul. It also gets that we are totally unique and no one, no one can conform to a single book, a single set of ideals. So there are 200 something books written for Scientology. Neat, huh? I've found more answers in those bad boys than I have in all the bible and book of mormon. Because they offer more than parables and cute bedtime stories. It is also highly adaptive; I have met Jewish Scientologists, Christian Scientologists, Catholic Scientologists, and straight up Scientologists themselves. While that may seem totally contradictory, that it accepts everything all at once, it is only really revolving on the idea that the truth is what is true for you. You do not need to believe anything unless you experience it yourself. You do not need to believe anything that's in their books unless you choose to accept it. You do not need to live life by the bibles, the torahs, the book of mormons, the analects, the buddahs morals; sure, take them as suggestions, but what you accept for truth is for you, and isn't necessarily applicable to the rest of us.

I've found peace knowing I can create my own destiny.
Novel concept, huh?
We all want to believe we're unique snowflakes, and that we're not all made of the same decaying matter, yet we try to conform ourselves to ONE set of ideals, ONE bible, ONE testament, ONE God, ONE of ANYTHING. Why not take the best of all these worlds, and work with what is best for our own lives? You know no one else can change your mind, right? So why do you insist that you let others try and do so with their preaching? Why not make up your own damn mind for once, and take some charge.


I believe I am a snowflake.
But I will only ever accept my premise on truth and life and anything that may be beyond.
I don't even know there is a beyond.
I won't try and convince you there is one.
Because YOU'RE the one that has to put the thought and time into it, and never ever ever take someone else's word. Do it yourself, kids. Bob the builder style.


Man made God.
I made Me.
You can make Yourself.


But hey, this is just the ramblings of a possessed person who thinks they can leave their body and fly home to the mother ship, right?
-JElizabeth